


holding on to your soul

by pendules



Series: post-trk conversations [2]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Conversations, Fluff, M/M, Minor Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, The Raven King Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6976744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendules/pseuds/pendules
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"So, how is he doing anyway?" he says, sounding businesslike now.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He figured they'd come around to this, eventually. He doesn't really know how to answer, though; the state of <i>Ronan</i> is always complicated at best. He half-shrugs again. "He's <i>Ronan</i>. You live with him. You should know."</i>
</p><p><i>"You know what I mean," Gansey says, pointedly. "He doesn't tell me everything. He sheds his armour around you."</i><br/> <br/>Or: Adam and Gansey have another conversation. About love and sex and friendship but mostly about family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	holding on to your soul

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be one of my [post-trk conversations](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6811204/chapters/15552925) but it kind of got too long/became its own thing. What can I say, I'm always Weak for Adam & Gansey's awkward but earnest chats. (This also references some stuff that happens in those, just FYI.)

Adam quietly closes Ronan's door at Monmouth behind him one morning in February and slowly makes his way over to the kitchen, yawning, running his fingers through his hair in a probably futile attempt to flatten his epic bedhead. Sleeping with Ronan is always immensely better than sleeping alone but it also tends to leave him in a state of utter disarray. He supposes that when it comes to each other, neither of them do anything quietly, not even sleeping: hands in hair and under shirts, bodies splayed chaotically over each other, limbs getting caught in sheets. It always takes some effort to extract himself. It probably doesn't help that most of the time he doesn't _want_ to leave Ronan's bed.

He doesn't expect to be confronted with Gansey, leaning against the counter next to the fridge, looking far too cheery for a once chronic insomniac at 7am on a Saturday. He also looks surprised to be confronted with Adam, which is probably a more understandable reaction on his part, given that _he_ doesn't actually live here. 

"Oh, _hey_ , didn't know you were here."

"I got in late," he explains, like this is a normal occurrence. "Didn't want to disturb anyone. Ronan said he'd be here —"

He can see Gansey considering that, a small frown on his face. It's the first time he's slept over since everything happened and he can tell when Gansey registers this fact too. "Did he give you a key?" 

"Uh, sort of." He supposes teaching him how to pick the lock counts as giving him a key. It's strange, how Ronan is about his things. He hasn't given him a key to the Barns yet (although he already spends most of his free time there) but he'd showed him where he'd hidden one. He lets him drive the BMW whenever he wants but hasn't dreamt him a key to that either. It's like he doesn't want to be too presumptuous, wants him to know he still has space to do as he pleases, that he doesn't have to spend every night with him if he doesn't want to. Nothing about Ronan sharing himself and his home with him feels like an obligation, though; it's a new, surprising feeling but always a good kind of surprising.

"Oh, right." It's a non-answer, but Gansey doesn’t press any further. He just opens the fridge and pours him some orange juice into the World's Best Dad mug that Ronan got him for Christmas and Adam accepts it. 

They sit down at the small table near the window. He takes a few sips and they don't say anything for a minute or two. 

Gansey clears his throat and he doesn't know exactly what's coming but he's pretty sure it's going to be awkward.

"You know you can stay here anytime you want, right. Even if Ronan's not here. In Noah's room or —" He stops. It's technically _not_ Noah's room anymore. He knows it's easy to forget sometimes, hard to break habit. Ronan talks about his mom in the present tense sometimes before going terribly quiet. Blue finds herself in the middle of suggesting asking Persephone about something before catching herself. 

He wonders if Gansey's asking him to move in. His perception of Monmouth has shifted, but he doesn't see the need. His apartment may be shitty but it feels like _his_ now. And Ronan's hardly ever here anyway. Maybe Gansey's lonely. But he doesn't appear to be anymore. Dying and coming back may have even been a _good_ thing for him after all.

"Yeah, I know. I just — I didn't really think about it, you know. Work was shit and I didn't want to be alone after." He shrugs.

"Oh, _right_. Yeah, it's fine — you know," he says stiffly, nodding. "You're both free to — uh, you know — As long as you, you know —" 

Adam lets himself enjoy the sweating and stuttering for a few moments before deciding to rescue him. He laughs softly, shaking his head. "We _didn't_ — I was _exhausted_. I just wanted to sleep with him. That's all we did. Promise. You don't have to go full _dad_ on me."

"Jane's not right about me being a prude, you know," he says huffily.

"Yeah, _of course not_. It's not like you almost just had a stroke thinking about us having sex fifty feet from your bed."

" _Stop_." He looks slightly pained, by Adam actually casually saying it out loud, or by whatever images that evokes.

Adam grins. Gansey seems to relax.

"So, how is he doing anyway?" he says, sounding businesslike now.

He figured they'd come around to this, eventually. He doesn't really know how to answer, though; the state of _Ronan_ is always complicated at best. He half-shrugs again. "He's _Ronan_. You live with him. You should know."

"You know what I mean," Gansey says, pointedly. "He doesn't tell me everything. He sheds his armour around you."

Adam can't exactly deny that. He still feels clumsy and unsure whenever Ronan does open himself up to him, though. He's not scared of hurting him anymore but he _is_ scared of not knowing how to help him when he's hurting. 

He takes a breath. "I — He's _better_ , I think," he says quietly. "The nightmares used to be a lot worse. I think it helps when I'm there."

"Helps you too, right?" He sounds slightly relieved.

"Yeah."

"You really _do_ love him, don't you?" It's curious and still a bit dazed but pleased at the same time.

That's also a complicated question, as Gansey well knows, but it's getting simpler every day, he thinks.

"I — Yeah, I _think_ so. Or I'm _learning_ to."

"We're all learning," he assures him.

"We didn't choose _easy_ , did we?" he breathes out.

"No, but we chose _right_ ," Gansey says without any hesitation.

"Yeah," he agrees, holding his gaze.

"He said he was happy," Gansey tells him, looking thoughtful. "In the car the other week. I believed him."

"Yeah?" He's thinking about Ronan currently sleeping peacefully in his own bed, thinking about Ronan wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling him in closer to his body, brushing a warm kiss over the nape of his neck, thinking about them chasing away the nightmares together, just by being close to each other. 

"Yeah. I think he's gonna be okay." He doesn't say _While we're gone._ Ronan might be alone for a time but he's never going to be left behind again.

"Maybe we _all_ will be." Adam believes it then as he says it, absolutely, probably for the first time.

"What about _you_?" Gansey asks, eyes narrowed.

"What _about_ me?"

"Are _you_ happy?"

"Yeah, I mean — It's not just about —" The sex. The physical intimacy. The romance, or whatever constitutes their version of it. "I just — I like being around him. It makes me feel good."

"I know exactly what you mean," Gansey says earnestly.

The door's flung open and Ronan stalks in then. He looks _good_ , well-rested; Adam's probably never going to stop being grateful for every full night of sleep he gets. He stands right next to his chair, gently curls his hand into his shoulder, drops a quick, affectionate kiss on the top of his head.

"What the hell are you two plotting in here?" he says without preamble.

"Nothing," Gansey says immediately, averting his eyes. "Just talking."

"About what?" he asks suspiciously, like the very idea of _talking_ is suspicious in itself.

Gansey doesn't say anything but Adam just blurts out, as deliberately tactless as possible, "Gross stuff. _Feelings_."

Ronan makes a face. "Am I going to have to disown both of you?" he deadpans.

"Yeah, because _you're_ so manly, right — with your dream flowers and deer and —"

Gansey sits back in his seat a little, a clear indicator that he's not getting anywhere in the middle of this.

"Shut up, Parrish, you know you love a man with a secret sensitive side." He smirks.

It's a bit too true to really begin to argue so he just says, "Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a huge douchebag?"

"You love that too."

Adam rolls his eyes in Gansey's direction, says, " _Definitely_ not easy."

He just smiles back at him knowingly.


End file.
